Magical Mystery Tour : Guilin - China 2007 (Part 6)

21st February 2007 - Guilin city
(No no no! Why didn't I bring along my camera tripod????)

After dinner, we attended a ballet circus production entitled "Dreamlike Lijiang". Now for someone who is used to Chinese acrobats in traditional clothing doing traditional stunts, this is indeed an eye-opener. It ran for a hour plus and is worth every RMB of the ticket's price, except for the free handphone calls and loud local chatter. No cameras or video are allowed, yet I managed to post these images. How? That's what Google Images is for. For more information go to :

http://www.legendofkungfu.com/sube/producing/lijiang1.htm



All I need is for Cher to make a cameo appearance, this would have been perfect :




After that we were shown Guilin's night scenery. As it was raining we were shown only half of the whole lot. The rest will have to wait for tomorrow night :




When I was a young boy, there was a TV sci-fi series called "U.F.O.". The flying saucer would often hide underwater and when it emerges it often gives a display similar to this :


This is Guilin's famous Glass bridge. According to the tour guide, it was made entirely out of glass :

Wombie : "Wow."

Mrs. W : "That's really glass?"

Wombie : "Yup. I wonder why they forbid us from walking on it?"

Mrs. W : "Isn't it obvious? Have you checked your weight lately?"


And thus ended our first day in Guilin. The next day is going to be a very bad day for me, no thanks to a cup of coffee, a bowl of instant noodles and a very tall hill. Stay tuned.

(To be continued...)

Magical Mystery Tour : Guilin - China 2007 (Part 5)

21st February 2007 - Guilin city
(I came all the way here to look at that piece of rock????)

At last, after one and a half day of bus ride from hell, we arrived at Guilin. This was taken from the hotel when we had our lunch.

Wombie : "Wah... like KL lah. Very posh condominiums that!"

Tour guide : "Those buildings? Those are veli common, for our workers to stay in. Not posh at all. China veli good to its workers."

Wombie : "Wow!"

Mrs. W : "I think she is spouting propaganda and pulling your leg."

Wombie : "Izzit?"


After lunch we went to a place when silk products is demo-ed and sold. Here the guide was telling us clueless "South Seas Water Fish" (Nanyang Sui Yee) that even the leaders of the G7 wore their silk jackets when they last had their meeting in Beijing :


The life of a silk worm. And what does it get in the end? Being boiled ALIVE! Very fair.


Silk worm cocoons. This is the final stage of life of a silk worm just before it is boiled ALIVE to recover the silk. Looked more like an Alien nest to me :


No, this is not our hotel room for the night, although I wished. These are silk bedding products. The whole set costs half a Kancil :


So what did I buy? 100% pure silk boxers! RM 50 each. Cool, smooth, it is like nothing next to your skin... (Rkaru : "Too much too much information! Geli!")


After getting slaughtered at the silk shop, we went to see the symbol of Guilin, Elephant Trunk Hill :


A long long time ago (yeah yeah...), a celestial elephant escaped to the Earth and landed in Guilin. It liked it here and refused to return to the heavens and stayed for three years. The Heavenly King got angry and sent his army to capture it and the battle went on for 3 days and 3 nights. It was a stalemate.

Finally the elephant got thirsty and stooped down to drink from the Lijiang River. The Heavenly King took this opportunity and stabbed the elephant to death using a sword onto the back of it's head. (Yeah right, very fair fight, that.) The elephant died and turned to stone. You can see it in the photo below. The left most extremity is its trunk. (No, the one at the bottom is not Wombat) :


Full view of Elephant Trunk Hill. The pagoda/tower at the top of the hill represents the heavenly King's sword :

Tour guide : "Any of you wanna climb up there to the tower?"

All of us : "You must be FAQing joking!"


I never knew tulips can grow very well in China. (No, neither is that man Wombat) :


(To be continued...)

Magical Mystery Tour : Guilin - China 2007 (Part 4)

21st February 2007 - Day 3 : Lipu to Guilin
(The Lost World - Nope, no T-Rex here.)

After our encounter with the democracy seeking fishing eagles, we were off-loaded at another Lijiang attraction call The Lost Word. Basically it is a commercial park built by Taiwanese investors and is based on the local folk's culture. It surrounds a huge lake.

No, none of the back of these heads at the entrance are Wombat's nor Mrs. Wombat's :



I spent close to 3 minutes waiting for this guy to get his ass off the rock so that I can take a shot of it which is inscribed with the name of the park. After 3 minutes I gave up and included him as well. The other two guys are my Ewoks :
More boat rides. The missus is not pleased as she is susceptible to sea sickness. Another travel-sickness pill for her. (Yes Rkaru, those two on the boat are authentic Guilin chicks...) :


This is not authentic local architecture. It was purposely built for display to us unsuspecting tourists :


Now these are the real houses the locals live in :


Yet another H.O.E. shot :


Remember, it is winter. Yet they are half naked. I know times are bad but.... seriously, these are the natives local to the area but I forgot which tribe as I was too busy looking at Guilin chicks. They make a very good follow-up to the Village People though :


(To be continued...)

Magical Mystery Tour : Guilin - China 2007 (Part 3)

21st February 2007 - Day 3 : Lipu to Guilin
(Lijiang River - The fishing eagle, or was it a duck?)


Yet more Heaven On Earth shots :
So tranquil, so peaceful, so quiet, so far away from the commercial world---



Hey get that @#$%^&* hot air balloon out of my view finder!!!!!!


Okay, here is the local Lijiang River fisherman. With him are several "Fishing Eagles" (as translated directly from Mandarin), a Cormorant bird with duck-like webbed feet and an eagle's beak. Majestic looking birds, they are. They are used to fish for fresh water fish along the river in a rather unique (or some may say, cruel way) :


The fisherman is retrieving one of his birds that has gone fishing a minute ago :


He held up the bird on a bamboo pole :


...and let it come to rest on his raft. Where is the fish?


Fisherman held the bird by the neck and gently squeezed it upwards towards the mouth of the bird :


Slowly the fish is disgorged from the bird's neck via the mouth :


There, the whole fish, still alive and kicking :


Of course by this time most of the tour group are barfing their lungs out while some are threatening to call the SPCA...

Close up view of the cormorant below. See that gold string around the neck of the bird on the left? The string let the bird breathe but prevented it from swallowing the fish. The one on the right is one little show-off. It was posing like hell as long as I point my digi cam at it :


Bird #1 to Bird #2 : I tell you ah, someday our boss is going to get a Stephen King event from us, like in The Dark Half and all those sparrows. I am growing tired of swallowing and disgorging everyday! I want my freedom! I want democracy now! FREEDOM!

Bird #2 : Are you nuts??? You want to be sent to Guangzhou and get roasted???? Shaddap and keep quiet!


(To be continued...)

Magical Mystery Tour : Guilin - China 2007 (Part 2)

20th February 2007 - Day 2 : Guangzhou to Guilin via Lipu
(a.k.a. The Eight Hour Bus Ride From Hell)

36 Malaysians spent two hours burning close to RM 1,000 worth of firecrackers and fireworks by the lake next to the Silver Cave Hotel, Lipu town, which is a halfway stopover for the night on our way to Guilin. I wished I had bought the Sony T50 digi cam before I came here, instead of using my ancient Canon A400 :


Local chinese : "You fellows are barking mad! You are burning money!!!"

**********

21st February 2007 - Day 3 : Lipu to Guilin
(Lijiang River raft ride)

Finally, I came face to face with the famous China country toilet : This one is roofless. Very efficient ventilation:


I wonder why the ladies refused to utilize the female version of the same? It can't be because I am holding a digital camera right outside :



Bamboo raft ride on the Lijiang River :


Okay Rkaru, here's an authentic Guilin chick. She is acting out the part of "Liew Shan Jie", a lady famous in the local folklore, and involve singing a famous chinese folk song of the area. In the days of old, prospective men looking for a bride are supposed to duet with her. If she likes what she hears, she gives you a silk ball (held in her hand in this picture) and the man will get lucky. If she does not like what she hears, the man gets sentenced to three years hard labour (or something like that).

Nope, that handsome guy is not Wombat :


First of my numerous "Heaven On Earth" shots :


More of my H.O.E. shots :



(To be continued....)

Magical Mystery Tour : Guilin - China 2007 (Part 1)

On 19-2-2007, Mrs. W and I went to China on my company's tour. It lasted until 26-2-2007 and covered Guangzhou, Guilin and Yangshuo.


(Rkaru! Liverpool supporter's flag! Five European Cups!)


We landed at Baiyun International Airport in the late afternoon and were immediately whisked to Five Goats Hill, which is supposed to be the symbol for Guangzhou city.


Legend has it that a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away--- sorry, wrong movie. A long time ago, a famine struck Guangzhou and a lot of people starved to death because nothing can be grown as food. Then the gods took pity on the Guangzhou people and sent down five goats from the heavens. If you look closely at the highest located goat, you will see it is holding a stalk of grain in its mouth. The goat gave this stalk of grain to the starving people and they planted the grain and eventually harvested it as food and the people no longer starved. This statue is built to commemorate this miracle.

I looked around me and all I see are non-starving people. It is the second day of Chinese New Year and I think the whole of China is here. It is CROWDED! If you think you spotted Wombat in this picture, think again. You wish.

Night was spent at Canton Hotel. Four star rating, but the English translation is no star.


"Sir, does you speak the England?"


(To be continued...)

Serving features are for illustration purposes only

KFC's ALASKAN FISH BURGER

My beef (pun intended):

False advertising at its best? In the TV advert, the guy has to use both his hands to hold the burger. In real life, I can hold it with one hand.

Of course KFC will have their usual disclaimer to get around this "Advertise them larger than life" trick in the TV advert. I caught it in the last scene as the advert ends. It's a 0.5 seconds shot of the line that says "Serving features is for illustration purposes only".

I have to actually record this scene in order to catch the disclaimer.

KFC claimed that it has 30% more fish than compared to their nearest competitor. To me, it felt more like a 30% smaller burger than what was shown on TV.

And how it tasted? The so called red tangy sauce that looked like menstrual blood tasted like crap. At least they still got mayo on it.

So on my next visit I specifically order it without the menstrual blood but I stated that I still want the mayo. And what did I get? A burger without the red sauce and without the mayo.

When I enquire why they left out the mayo they said they cannot put in mayo alone because the dispensing pump is set up to dispense both sauce at the same time. When I ask them then why they can put mayo alone in their Colonel burgers they sort of looked at me very dazed.

Conclusion? Give me Filet O' Fish anyday.

Thanks Shane Warne, you have a good 'un too.

Shane Warne, considered to be one of cricket's greatest leg spin bowler, captured his 700th wicket in the Fourth Test against England at Melbourne's MCG this week, and became the highest wicket taker in Test Cricket.

Prior to this, he announced his intention to retire after the Fifth Test in Sydney in January, having represented Australia for more than a decade. And what can be more fitting for a farewell present by taking his 700th wicket in front of his home crowd at the MCG and have Australia win the Fourth Test by an innings?

Cricket. Strange and boring game, some may say. I thought so too, when I first arrived in Melbourne in 1982. Thirteen men playing an extremely boring version of baseball on an grass oval. Probably more exciting to watch the grass grow, I thought.

But as I learn the game, and follow the matches, my appreciation of cricket grew, and realise it is not an easy game. I even played it in the suburbrs' ovals among friends (I batted at number 10, and I can't even bowl a decent staright ball).

During the 80s, the West Indies was THE team to watch. Vivian Richards and company strike fear into all the other teams when ever they play. Hardly a match they cannot win.

During this time, the Australians were in decline. Great bowlers such as Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thompson from the 70s are retiring. Batsmen such as Greg Chappel are in the twilight of his career. Australia's performance during the 80s was like a yoyo, sometimes up and sometimes down. Despite all that, there's one batsman by the name of Allan Border who batted at number 5 or 6 who will captain the team into the 90s and revive the glory days of Australian cricket.

From the 90s to the present, Australia is THE team. I will not present the stats here but you can drag them out from Wikipedia or something. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_cricket_team)
The only down side is when they lost the Ashes back to England in 2005.

Today Australia has won back the Ashes after only 15 months by thrashing England 4-0 (so far as of 30-12-2006) and is threatening a 5-0 whitewash over England for the first time since 1921.

With the retirement of Shane Warne and Glen McGrath next month, Australia may be entering a period of uncertainty. Other players are also in the twilight of their careers e.g. Mathew Hayden and the years 2008 and 2009 will be an interesting period in Australian cricket.

So who do I consider to be the greatest cricketer of them all? The late Sir Donald Bradman. I did not have the opportunity to watch him play as he was before my time, but I have devoured books on him and his lifetime stats speak for himself.

9.7, 9.6, 9.6, and 9.9 from the Portugese judge...

Diving in soccer, a disease that is reaching cancerous proportions.

For the non-football readers, Diving (or simulation - the term used by FIFA) in the context of football is an attempt by a player to gain an unfair advantage by diving to the ground and possibly simulating an injury, to appear as if a foul has been committed. (from Wikipedia).

Football matches are being tainted by this disease because a diving incident can often turn a match and yield a result to the diver's advantage.

Simply saying, to dive means to cheat.

The funny thing is some divers don't even know how to dive properly. Witness Chelsea's Shaun Wright Philips when he was caught on TV falling to the ground in a heap when the the player who is supposed to have fouled him is one feet away.

When divers are asked why they dive, often the excuse is that everybody does it, so why not he?

I do forgive the diver for not having a brain. If he has he would not be saying that.

So by his logic, the following is also possible :

A lot of people snort coke. So it is okay to snort coke?

A lot of people abuse kids. So it is okay to abuse kids?

Most brainless excuse I have ever heard.

It is darn depressing when you are enjoying a good football match and have it ruined by a diver. I don't mind my fave team loses, as long as they don't lose to result engineered by a dive. As long as they lose to a better team.

Ok, you may ask what if my team wins because one of my team's player dived? If you know me and which team I support in football, my team's players seldom dive (hardly) and even if one did, I don't brag about the result because I know he cheated and the result means zilch to me.

In a more innocent age, cricket batsman automatically walks off the pitch without a second thought before the umpire pronounce him "out" as long as he felt that he has nicked a ball that resulted in a catch by the wicketkeeper and thus is "out".

Golf player who accidentally touches a ball before a stroke will automatically admit the fact and take a penalty even though no one saw him do it.

Today? Batsmen who argue with umpires over disputed calls, bowlers who tamper with the cricket ball, golfers who lie without blinking. Doping. Diving. You name it.

The sad excuse that the consideration of fame and money does not justify one to cheat in sports, or else it will render the concept of sport meaningless.

The reason is simple :

Pele : One of the greatest, if not the greatest footballer ever lived.

Maradona : One of the greatest, if not the greatest footballer ever lived, but he once admited to cheating in a World Cup football match by using his hand to score a goal against England.

Which one do you want inscribed on your tombstone?

Bat-3's a lemon and I want money back...

Meat Loaf's Bat Out Of Hell 3 : The Monster Is Loose (BOOH-3) was released in the US of A on 31-10-2006 and my pre-ordered copy from Amazon.com arrived on 13-11-2006. Very efficient shipping, that. At US$25 for 4 CDs, it'd better be.

The third album of the Bat Out Of Hell series, my expectations were rather high even before I first heard it. But after I ran it through the hifi once, my first reaction was : "Huh?"

"Huh?" in a sense of saying "Is that it?". What do you expect? BOOH-3 is no longer a 100% Jim Steinmann work, unlike the previous Bat albums. Produced by Desmond Child, it featured 14 tracks, 7 of which are songs written by Steinmann long ago, but covered by Meat Loaf on Bat 3. The other 7 tracks are written Desmond Child, Nikki Sixx, John 5, James Michael, Diane Warren et al.

As such, the whole album does sound disjointed because Steinmann is no longer there to thread everything together.

Also, it sounded as if Desmond Child told everybody that "we are going to write seven songs that sound and feel like Jim Steinman's songs". Well, some did turn out ok, but some fall flat on their butts.

The Monster Is Loose
This is the title track written by Desmond Child/Nikki Sixx/John 5, so naturally I will compare it to "Bat Out Of Hell" on the first album and "Back Into Hell" on the second album. A lot of people raved about this title track, but not me. Meat Loaf sounded as if he is trying to please the music rather than having the music support him. And nu-metal? Not in a million years. Even the synthetic "Back Into Hell" is miles ahead. And worse, the song starts to gnaw at my ears with each listening.

Blind As A Bat
Written By James Michael/Desmond Child, I did not give this track any hope when I first heard it but after a few runs, I find that it grew on me. If these guys want to imitate Steinmann, I would say they achieve it best with Blind As A Bat. It has the makings of a classic. If Meat wants some more loose change, he should release this as the second single.

It's All Coming Back To Me Now
The first Steinman song on this album. A lot of people said this is the best track off BOOH-3. The problem is that if this song was released for the first time today, I will agree. But Celine Dion sang it 10 years ago, and one will always compare it to Celine's version which I find to be more powerful because she sang it solo and imparted a sense of lost. Marion Raven's part of this duet is interesting at first but tell me what you feel after listening to it 10 times. It gets irritatting.

Bad For Good
Bad For Good was written by Steinman 25 years ago and was supposed to be on some other projects but ended up here. Add to it Brian May's guitar, vintage Steinman 30 words per sentence lyrics and oh-those-backup-vocals and I am in nirvana. Best of the seven Steinman tracks.

Cry Over Me
Written by Diane Warren. Why the hell is this song on the album? Meat Loaf ran out of fillers?

In The Land Of The Pig, The Butcher Is King
An operatic Steinman track. Too bad this song got butchered by trying too hard. This song actually reminded me of John Williams' "Phantom Of The Paradise" album which is a satire of operatic rock, and John Williams did it better.

Monstro/Alive
Montro is a short instrumental by D. Child/Holly Knight/Elena Casals while Alive is by D. Child/James Michael et al. Written and sounded in the vein of Blind As A Bat, it came as pick-me-up after the horrors of Cry Over Me. Not bad at all.

If God Could Talk
Marti Frederiksen and D. Child penned this one. Another pointless filler track.

If It Ain't Broke Break It
Steinman's "Live Is A Lemon And I Want My Money Back" revisited, with the volume pumped up a wee bit more. Lemon is better.

What About Love
By D. Child/M/Frederiksen et al. Featuring Patti Russo. The problem is Meat is having so many duets on this album (there's four) it is starting to turn into an orgy. Get rid of Russo and the track would have ended up better.

Seize The Night
The problem with Seize The Night is that despite being a Steinman song and long in length, it was not written specifically for BOOH-3. Thus the essence of BOOH-3 is simply not there (BOOH-3 got essence?????). In fact there's strains of Back Into Hell guitar riffs in it, which made it worse. And that kids choir: What on Earth is it doing there? A few more listen and my ears will beg my intestines to seize my throat and kill me for subjecting them to this cruelty.

The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
A Steinman track, and featuring Jennifer Hudson. Meat is getting lucky tonight. Imagine that, folks. Urgh.

Cry To Heaven
An obvious attempt to do a "Heaven Can Wait" (BOOH-1) or "Lost Boys And Golden Girls" (BOOH-2). Forget it Meat. God can't hear you.

So there it is, my take on Bat Out Of Hell-3. I am no Rolling Stone magazine reviewer, so don't take my head off if I got things wrong.

I feel that Meat Loaf should not have done BOOH-3 without Steinman as writer/producer. They should have patched up their differences, fire all their lawyers, and sit down and record BOOH-3 together. They would have ended up with a Bat album worthy of the name instead of this mishmash of an album.

The only good thing Desmond Child did for Meat Loaf on this album is that he got Meat Loaf's vocals improved and Meat Loaf actually sounded better on this album than any of his previous works. In fact it was written somewhere that Desmond actually sent him for vocal training. Too bad Meat Loaf did not have the song material to really show off his much improved voice.

Now I have to wait another 10 years for Bat-4 (Yes yes I know, they say no Bat-4 and all that but then they once swore there will be no Bat-3 either). By 2016 Meat Loaf will be 59 years old. Does he still have the lungs to scream 30 words per sentence?

I rate Bat Out Of Hell -3 ** (2 stars out of five).

For comparison's sake, BOOH-1 rated **** while BOOH-2 rated *****.