Astro Gold-coloured Stupid Card

Tonight, 7.45pm...

Okay, Astro sent me this new gold-coloured smart card to replace the old one in my living room decoder. Says here in the printed instruction that it is going to be an easy four steps.

Right. Remove old smart card. Insert new smart card. Decoder auto updated itself within a minute. Switch on decoder again. TV shows "Please insert smart card" message. No channels can be viewed. All displayed same message. 

Ok. Repeat above steps again. Same result. The time is now 8.00pm. Liverpool is scheduled to kick-off at Anfield in 25 minutes time. Picks up phone and called Astro hot line.

Me : (Yada yada yada explained problem)

Astro lady : Okay sir, now you try this : Switch off your main plug for the TV and Astro and wait for 3 minutes. Then switch it back on, and press 880 and you will see a screen containing "Please insert your new smart card yada yada yada and then press OK". Do not press OK, just let the screen alone for 10 to 15 minutes. The decoder will then reboot and display the time. You then turn it on and you should be able to view the channels.

Me : Are you absolutely sure? I have a football match kicking off in 20 minutes and no self respecting Liverpool fan will ever miss a match except for funerals. We are not Chelsea fans.

Astro lady : It will be ok.

Me : Fine. (and proceed to wait 20 minutes and still nothing happened).

At 8.25pm...

Me : Stuff this. I am watching the match up stairs on the second decoder and the 14" TV. 

At half time....

TV downstairs still showing the stupid screen and nothing happened. Proceed to call Astro again.

Astro : Good evening sir. How can I assist you?

Me : I want to speak to someone about your Astro gold-coloured STUPID card!

Astro : Err... you mean the new smart card sir?

Me : No. I mean the new STUPID card.

Astro : Ok ok, I get the message. What's the problem?

Me : *sigh* (Explains problem again while vomiting batteries)

Astro : Ok sir, now listen to me please. Follow these instructions.

Me : *sigh* Yes, I know. Off the power to TV and the Astro decoder.

Astro : Yes. Then please hold until I get back to you.

Me : Make it fast. Liverpool is kicking off second half in 10 minutes. I miss a goal and you will die.

Astro : Now switch on the power. On the Astro with your remote. Insert the old smart card back. What do you see?

Me : I see Steve McMahon trying to be a football expert and failing miserably at it.

Astro : *Laughs* Ok. Now remove the old card and insert the new card. Then press 880.

Me : Ok.

Astro : Now press OK. What do you see?

Me : The screen says the new smart card will update my decoder yada yada yada and got another OK button at the bottom.

Astro : Ok. Press OK again. What do you see now?

Me : The TV goes blank and the decoder is showing AUTO UPDATE in its display.

Astro : Yes. That will go on for the next 15 minutes or so and you should be able to view your channels when it is over.

Me : Really? Looks like the lady earlier gave me the wrong instructions totally. You guys did not train them properly meh?

Astro : Well, sometimes we can get it wrong. Anything else I can help you with?

Me : Err... no. Look, you have been a great help. Sorry for being rough just now.

Astro : No problem sir. And I hope Liverpool will beat Blackburn too.

Me : You a Reds fan too?

Astro : Dyed in the wool Anfield Red all the way sir. Good night.

Me : Good night. *click*